


A Holmes is Always Right

by Vertiga



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Notalwaysright.com, Sherlock vs The Internet, Tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2013-02-10
Packaged: 2017-11-28 18:56:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vertiga/pseuds/Vertiga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short fill, written for this Kink Meme prompt: Sherlock discovers NotAlwaysRight.com.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Holmes is Always Right

Sherlock has been staring at the screen of John's laptop for over an hour, occasionally snorting derisively and clicking to a new page. Expressions of such exasperation and disgust have been flitting across his face that John is beginning to think he might actually explode with annoyance.

John has been trying to read the paper, but every time he gets interested in an article a particularly violent noise from Sherlock hijacks his attention again. At last, he can stand it no longer.

'Are you reading fanfiction again?' John asks. 'Probably not a good idea. Last time you got banned from six different forums for writing such vicious critique that you made people cry.'

Sherlock waves a dismissive hand. 'No, I solved that case. I never have to read anything written by a lustful thirteen year old again, thankfully. But this is even worse. How can people this stupid even breathe?!'

'What are you reading?' John asks, with a horrible suspicion. Of course, there are plenty of examples of idiocy on the internet. There's no reason to suppose that Sherlock has found his way to that particular site, is there? But then, that is John's laptop, and if Sherlock has been going through his bookmarks again...

'It's a site called NotAlwaysRight.com,' Sherlock replies, sending a wave of cold dread through John's stomach. 'Nothing but examples of the extraordinary idiocy of the general public. This one, for example - this stupid woman ate a bar of soap because she thought it was a cheese sample, and then she actually complained to the shop about it!'

John sighs, trying not to let his panic show. Somewhere on that vast site are at least half a dozen posts which he submitted himself. With a memory like his, Sherlock could not fail to recognise one if he found it.

'You probably shouldn't read that site,' he says, as casually as he can manage. 'You'll only make yourself angry.'

'But I'm bored, John. I'd rather despair of the entire human race than be bored.' Sherlock insists.

'What about doing an experiment instead?'

Sherlock shakes his head. 'Molly can't give me the liver until tomorrow, and my snails need forty-eight hours to soak.'

John sighs again and puts down the paper. He would rather not sit here and squirm as he waits to see if Sherlock will find something. 'I'm going to have a shower,' he declares, and leaves Sherlock to it.

He has been standing under the hot water for almost twenty minutes, strongly considering drowning himself, before there is a yell of rage from the living room.

'JOHN!'

John takes a deep breath as footsteps thunder towards the bathroom.

There is a momentary pause as Sherlock picks the lock on the door (honestly, John doesn't know why he bothers locking it) and then Sherlock bursts in, blue dressing gown flying behind him.

'Last week, my flatmate finally came with me to do some shopping. It was merely awful until we reached the checkout, and then it became a nightmare.' Sherlock declares, quoting perfectly from the site. 'Flatmate: Why is this loose tea so much more expensive than the other one? Checkout Operator: Sir, that's oregano. Flatmate: So it's a special kind of tea? Me: Oh, God...'

'Oh, you found that one.' John says, as casually as he can. He doesn't even bother grabbing for a towel or telling Sherlock to leave - after the first ten times Sherlock interrupted him in the shower, he had reasoned that there was little further point in trying to protect his modesty.

'John, need I remind you that I never keep anything in my brain which isn't useful?' Sherlock says, pacing furiously back and forth across the bathroom. 'Why would I need to know the fine points of tea varieties when I have you to make tea for me?'

'What about when I'm not here anymore?' John points out.

Sherlock stops dead and glares at him for even suggesting it. For some reason, it gives John a little warm feeling to know that Sherlock always wants him to be around.

Sherlock is about to resume his rant about the utter irrelevance of tea when his eyes widen. Clearly, a new thought has occurred to him.  
'Wait a minute - what do you mean "That one"?'

'Oh God...'


End file.
